Here#039;s your sign: Use antifreeze

Published 12:00 am Thursday, November 3, 2005

Blue Collar Comedy Tour comedian Bill Engvall brings to light one of the funniest things that anyone who is remotely honest with himself has been guilty of. We all have either said or written things that just didn't register somewhere between the brain and the mouth or between the brain and the pen.

My mother, Mrs. Emmie Lou Grayson, is a champion when it comes to this phenomenon. Let me give you a prime example. I walk through the front door, my hair is soaking wet and plastered to my head, my clothes and shoes are wet and dripping, and the thunder and lightening is booming outside. My mom takes one look at me and asks, &#8220Is it raining?” To which I respond, &#8220No, it's not raining. I was coming up the sidewalk, and this little green man from Mars just dumped a bucket of water over my head for no good reason. Here's your sign.”

Now, before you stone me for being a disrespectful daughter, let me just say that my mother has actually gotten pretty good at pulling this same stunt on me. And, she thinks it's funny.

Probably one of the funniest ones I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of, however, took place during an 11th grade Advanced English class I was teaching. My class had been reading Tuesdays with Morrie, and we were in the middle of a serious discussion on death, dying and euthanasia. Morrie is dying with ALS, also known as Lou Gherig's disease, and he is suffering horribly. The question came up about the morality issues surrounding euthanasia and the laws that accompany it.

All of a sudden, one of my girls gets this really puzzled look on her face, and I can tell something is not clear. Finally, she asks me why would anyone want to hurt the children.


&#8220Ms. Grayson, why would anybody want to kill the little kids?”

&#8220What little kids? Whom are you talking about?”

After five minutes or so of this miscommunication, the face of one of my boys lights up as he finally catches on to what she is trying to convey to us. He comes to the board and writes it out for me: YOUTH IN ASIA.

Talk about handing out a big sign that day.

So, let me set something straight right now. As you begin to get your car ready for the winter, you should know that it is important to keep Freon in your car for the air conditioner. However, please put ANTIFREEZE in your car to protect it during cold weather. Regina, here's your sign.

While watching a Bill Engvall comedy DVD with Samson, my 21-pound tomcat, we decided to have a snack. As he sauntered away from his steak and shrimp, which was barely touched, I said, &#8220Sam, are you going to eat that?” He looked at me and smiled: &#8220Nope, I'm going on a diet to lose ten pounds so I can fit back into that thong bikini I want to wear to the beach next summer. Here's your sign.”

Regina Grayson is a reporter with the Greenville Advocate.

She can be reached at 334-383-9302, ext. 126 or via e-mail at