Putting Humpty Dumpty back together again

Published 12:00 am Saturday, July 28, 2007

&#8220Well, you know, at your ageŠ”

That's such a lovely phrase. I'm being facetious, of course, because the older I get, the more I hear it - especially here lately.

Everyone, I'm sure, is familiar with the phrase &#8220When it rains, it pours;” however, lately my life would be declared a natural disaster area and no one would be selling me any flood insurance.

About three weeks ago, I awoke on a beautiful Saturday morning only to barely roll over and streeeetchŠPOP!

I have absolutely no idea what I did, but I pulled a muscle in my neck after having moved about two inches. How is that even remotely possible?

To make matters worse, I had just been to see Dr. Carol Pope the Thursday before for an adjustment, and she had just gotten everything back into its original place. So, for basically 48 hours, I had peace and was free of any kind of pain from any corner or appendage of my body.

I guess it's true that good things don't last for long.

Furthermore, two weeks ago, again on a Saturday, I nonchalantly walked into the kitchen and, much to my surprise and later my chagrin, stepped right into a puddle of water.

The next thing I knew my right leg shot straight up in the air (it hasn't kicked that high in years), the top half of me shot backward and caught itself, overcorrected and came back forward so fast that I went crashing down directly on my right knee.

Please do not ask me to repeat that, for I have no idea how it happened either.

All I do know is that all my weight landed on my right knee, and for the first few seconds afterward, I just knew something, somewhere was broken. But it wasn't.

When I finally came out of my shock long enough to know that I did not need the services of LifeFlight, I slowly and painfully got up. I, to this day, have a black and blue knee.

Actually, Samson, my 21-pound tomcat, looked up at me with big, round, innocent eyes as if to say, &#8220Um, sorry, Mom.” You see, I had slipped in water that had spilled from his water bowl.

That's the closest he's come to getting put up for adoption in a long time.

Okay. The neck has healed, the knee feels much better than it looks, and I'm going on with life. But, no.

This past Monday morning, I was taking a shower, shampooing my hair, minding my own business in the great scheme of things, and wheeee!

One foot slides one way and the other foot slides the other way. I might as well have been a wishbone you could snap in two.

Well, I caught myself, thank goodness, but at a high price. Why is it that it only seems to take two seconds and your lower back is no longer where it's supposed to be?

This time, I was hurting so badly, I just knew I was going to have to call Bonnie Trotter and get the LifeFlight helicopter to come to my house. Needless to say, I'm in line for another trip to the chiropractor.

I don't know what it is about certain &#8220magical” numbers, but I'm beginning to believe it's true - when you hit a certain age, everything starts to fall apart. And lately, I've been Humpty Dumpty.

Oh, by the way, Samson has been bugging me to make sure all of my life insurance policies are up to date and that he's the sole beneficiary.

Thanks for the encouragement, Big Boy.

Regina Grayson is managing editor of The Luverne Journal. She can be reached at 335-3541 or by email: regina.grayson@luvernejournal.com.