Don’t get between me and my chocolate

Published 11:59 pm Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I now have the scientific validation I have been waiting my whole life for — chocolate is good for you.

For years, I’ve argued that a little bit of excess is good not only for the mind but also for the body and yes, soul.

And we all know that there are just some times that call for a dose of chocolaty goodness.

There is something to be said for the way that chocolate coats the tongue; how the richness wraps itself around your taste buds.

A recent study of Italians suggests that a small square of dark chocolate daily protects the heart from inflammation and subsequent heart disease. Experts aren’t sure if milk chocolate does the same job, but really who cares?

They just said it was good for us to eat the stuff, but here’s the kicker.

Specifically, only 6.7 grams of chocolate per day (or 0.23 ounces) represents the ideal amount. For comparison, a standard-sized Hershey’s kiss is about 4.5 grams – though they are not made of dark chocolate – and one Hershey’s dark chocolate bar is about 41 grams. Mind you I’m not too good at math, but I think that comes out to about one of those a week.

Isn’t it just like scientists to build us up and then drop the bomb on us? On one hand they say, “This is good,” but in the other hand they’re holding a sign that says, “But not too much of it.”

The study said researchers found a relationship between dark chocolate intake and levels of this protein in the blood of 4,849 subjects in good health and free of risk factors such as high cholesterol or blood pressure. The findings are detailed in the latest issue of the Journal of Nutrition.

Let’s study, for a moment if you will, a page in the Journal of Nelsonology (not to be confused with Scientology). It reads…

In times of excess stress, overall tiredness and just plain don’t-feel-good-ness, the use of chocolate is not only advocated, it is highly recommended. In fact, the lack of implementing the aforementioned practice could result in unacceptable actions in a social setting, such as:


screaming; or

having an all out hissy fit.

Persons should also be forewarned that in times of extreme chocolate deprivation, the utmost unacceptable social behaviors, i.e., cussing and causing acute physical and bodily harm, could occur.

When experiencing a need for chocolate, remember the mantra, “Stop, drop and roll.”

Stop what you’re doing.

Drop what you’re doing.

And unroll that Hershey’s Kiss.

Done in that order, one should have fulfilled their chocolate need and avoided the desire to cause the utmost unacceptable social behaviors.

Which, if the wordiness of the passage escapes you, means that there is a reason for that secret stash of candy bars in my desk drawer. Pardon me, while I unwrap one. After all, I’ve been told it’s good for me.