Losing shouldn’t be hard to do

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, January 6, 2010

It’s the first week of 2010 and time to put action behind those New Year’s resolutions. And I’ve heard that lots of folks resolve to shed pounds and get in better shape.

Often, gyms and fitness centers report an increase in membership in January so there must be something to this. As I was thinking about it, I saw a commercial for a fitness tool designed to promote weight loss with little effort from the user.

Well that’s what I want — to get in shape while doing mostly nothing. That got me interested in what’s out there for those who don’t want to join a gym, change their diet or start an exercise program.

What I discovered is a host of stuff supposed to take off the pounds with ease. So I present some of my favorites.

Since I am a coffee person, the first one is interesting to me. It’s “caffeine cream” and works like this. Instead of drinking caffeine, rub it on your skin. Since moderate doses of caffeine supposedly boost your metabolism, rubbing it on your butt and thighs trims inches from your body. “Body heat releases the caffeine into your legs giving your metabolism a kick start.”

My question, why can’t I fill my bath tub up with coffee and get the same results? Sounds like a good way to start the day — a coffee bath — and if I take a straw in there with me, I can drink up while I thin my thighs. Of course, I’d have to buy a bigger coffee pot and a lot more coffee beans to brew enough to fill my tub so it could be cost prohibitive.

The next product is something called the “Weight Shake.” This gizmo (which has an interesting shape) vibrates/shakes/springs back and forth while you hold it. Apparently, the motion, as the commercial says, tones your arms and upper body in just six minutes a day. Well that sounds good. Just hold the thing while it does its business and you get toned arms.

A little warning here — the commercial for this product is a bit suggestive. So, if you decide to give it a try, you might want to wait until the kiddies are in bed since one reviewer described it as “toning up while holding a vibrating sex toy.”

Moving on, there is the exercise ball chair.

“Replace your boring old office chair with one of these and you’ll be on your way to losing those excess pounds,” one writer says, quoting the advertisement for the product. “The distribution of your weight is supposed to make your abs work extra hard to maintain your posture. You’ll tone and burn calories with these exercise ball exercises in the comfort of your own cubicle.”

Of course, he also mentions that spinning round and round in a chair probably burns just as many calories and won’t cost you any more money.

Moving along quickly, I’ll list a few more favorites.

Weight loss spray. Spray, sniff, and get skinny.

Chapstick that reduces hunger. Apply to the lips; lose the appetite.

Scala Bio Anti-Cellulite Pants. Melt fat cells while wearing pants.

And my favorite, the chocolate diet. Just eat chocolate.

After much research, I determined the best and probably the only way to get in shape is to follow the advice of one writer, who is also a scientist.

The only way to actually reduce the amount of fat tissue one carries is through a caloric deficit — as induced by either decreasing food intake or increasing energy expenditure.”

Translation, stop eating so much or start moving more. Sounds interesting, but hey I think those cellulite pants worn while eating chocolate deserve an honest try first.