TP-ing 101: Homecoming primer

Published 1:21 am Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Ah, Homecoming Week– when current students celebrate their school, alumni return to reminisce about their school days and trees sprout toilet paper. This year’s crop will surely appear as AHS celebrates its homecoming.

In case you don’t know about “TP-ing,” Wikipedia (the source for information you need to know) says.

“Toilet papering (also called TP-ing, House Wrapping or Yard Rolling) is the act of covering an object, such as a tree or house with toilet paper. This is done by throwing toilet paper rolls in such a way that they unroll in midair and thus fall on the targeted object in multiple streams.” (And then it rains.)

Now, this isn’t popular with everyone. Still, we believe in excellence around here — so we want quality yard rolling. To be sure that happens, I offer tips from the internet. (I apologize to TP victims in advance.)

The first, and most important part of yard rolling is toilet-paper team assembly. You want enough people to have fun, but not so many you are conspicuous. A good group should be more than two, but less than five or six.

A website providing information about How to Toilet Paper a House says this about the TP team. “Going on a TP run can be a great way to build teamwork and share fun experiences. Staying out late and getting into some good-natured fun is a great way to build camaraderie.”

So see parents, it’s not mischief it is team building. They say to know your team members well and don’t include any downers. The website puts it this way.

“No snitches. Don’t invite anyone who’ll cloud the evening with bad vibes and second-guessing. If you’ve got a good friend you want to invite, but he isn’t into mischief, let him stay home.”

Next, have premium-grade product for a successful rolling job. Don’t go cheap. As the site says, get solid two-ply or stay home.

Remember, double rolls go further and get four or five throws over a moderately sized tree. While cheap rolls get only two or three throws, and heavier weight provides more accurate throws. (Think Bounty, Northern or Angel Soft)

Here is more advice from the website.

“Buy your stash well before dusk, and hit up different stores to avoid looking suspicious.” Buying toilet paper at 10 p.m. with 10 kids dressed in hoodies looks suspicious.

Once you have the paper, choose a time to meet — late enough to avoid suspicion, but not too late — that looks suspicious.

An important note from the website and the Andalusia police.

“Plan to make a mess, but nothing permanent. Toilet paper is a funny prank, but vandalism is a crime.”

Here are a few more things to remember on your TP mission.

*Make a pack to be quiet and use code names. If your victims hear you calling each other by name, they will catch you.

*Instead of black, wear a variety of different dark colors. A bunch of folks dressed in black walking down the sidewalk might get uninvited attention.

*Perfect your throwing skills by practicing ahead of time. Remember to spin the roll and throw it like a football instead of chunking it. Aim for the highest branches (the low ones are too easy to clean).

I’ll leave out information about how to mummify a car. I don’t think anyone would appreciate me sharing it.

Finally, finish with what the site calls the “Hail Mary” of papering. Toss the roll over the house. As the plunk of it hitting the roof wakes everyone — Run Rollers, Run! (Remember you don’t have to outrun everyone – just the slowest one.)

So to simplify the steps …

Choose the best team, paper quality and time.

Be quiet, be accurate and be ready to run.

That is how to successfully TP during homecoming week. Oh, one more thing to know when choosing a TP site, I live at the end of a dark dirt road and I have big dogs.