Granny caught in low-speed chase

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The blue car pulled slowly to the curb. With slow-motion movements, the driver opened the door and stepped out. Police officers surrounded her with guns drawn. Thus ended one of the most bizarre and kind of funny pieces of television news reporting I’ve ever seen.

This took place in California; seems they love car chases out west.

I tuned into this strange story when I flipped to a west coast station on the satellite. There was a program I wanted to watch, but instead I saw a blue car moving along the interstate at a blistering 60 mph followed by a police car in hot pursuit — if you can have a hot pursuit at that speed.

A caption on the screen told me a news helicopter was filming the “chase” and reporters were giving a play-by-play that sounded like news of a terrorist plot.

Let me give some background on this breaking news story that was preempting programming. It seems a driver noticed the driver of the aforementioned blue car failing to yield when she should yield. This prompted a call to 911 and started the drama.

Apparently, police raced to the scene, flipped on the siren and lights to stop this criminal who failed to yield. However, the driver was no better at stopping for police than she was at yielding for other drivers.

And so the chase began. For miles, the helicopter followed the car pursuit while reporters talked in the background telling the audience the driver could be a possible DUI, as well as a non-yielder.

“She seems to be traveling at a moderate rate of speed,” said one reporter.

“Yes, she doesn’t seem to be accelerating,” said another.

That conversation continued until the woman turned off the interstate. Of course, police stayed on her tail.

The reporters let the viewers know law enforcement planned a maneuver to trap this dangerous person and were putting things into place a few miles ahead. So, the blue car continued at a pace so slow a person walking along the sidewalk was probably moving faster.

“She’s coming to an intersection,” the reporter said.

“The light is turning red,” said the other. “What will happen here?”

Well, what happened is the car stopped for the light. Now there were at least three police vehicles following her and they stopped, too. Officers jumped out with guns drawn and hid behind their opened car doors.

Oblivious to the commotion behind her, the driver put medal to the pedal and continued on her way as soon as the light turned green. Police officers hopped back into their cars and took off after her.

“She seems to be obeying all the traffic laws,” said the reporter.

(That’s what dangerous criminals do in California– they obey the traffic laws.)

This happened at two more intersections. All the while, the reporters promised the trap was in place and we were about to see an amazing police capture.

Yep, that’s what happened. Surrounded by police, the blue car pulled slowly to the curb and the silver-haired, pony-tailed driver emerged looking like someone’s sweet Aunt Sally who might have had one too many glasses of wine at her bingo game. She flip-flopped her way toward police, slowly raising her arms. All the while the live reporting continued.

“Well, she doesn’t seem to be hostile,” reporter one said. “No, it looks like this is having a peaceful ending.”

Finally, they returned to programming as they cuffed the dangerous grandma.

Upon contemplation, I drew these conclusions.

1. It doesn’t take much to entertain folks in California.

2. Police in California don’t have much to do on Thursday afternoons.

3. If stations in Alabama cut in on programming to show every pursuit of someone who failed to yield or was a possible DUI, we would never see another television program.

Now, I’ll always wonder why Granny ignored law enforcement. Guess I should have tuned into their six o’clock news to find out.