There’ll be no naked yoga in this studio

Published 12:10 am Wednesday, May 4, 2016

More than 30,000 people think eating in a restaurant without being clothed is a good idea. Yes, you read that right, a bunch of folks want to eat naked.

Of course, there is always some entrepreneur to fill consumers’ demands. In London, a company called “Lollipop” is stepping up to open what is billed as the city’s first “naked food experience” at an establishment called Bunyadi.

Well, the world has lost its mind — naked dining — REALLY. I’m trying to imagine the brainstorming session that produced this brilliant idea.

“People want to be naked,” said Seb Lyall, the guy whose company is behind this “let-it-all-hang-out eating adventure. “Whether it’s on a beach or in a sauna, if the opportunity is there to be in the natural state, they will take it.”

Well Seb, not everybody wants to be in his or her natural state on the beach, at the sauna or in the local Burger King. There are some of us who want to keep our gifts hidden from everyone’s enjoyment.

Oh and don’t think because you wear less clothing your meal at Bunyadi will be less expensive. Nope, the experience costs up to $95 a head (or a tail) for food and beverages.

You can opt for the “naked and pure” seating area or the clothed space. If you choose the first one, you also have the pleasure of having food served by semi-nude staff — kind of like Hooters’ servers without shirts. (OK, guys picturing this take a deep breath) Oh Lord ladies, what pieces of clothing do the semi-nude waiters lose.

Thankfully, folks can’t bring in cell phones for selfies. Picture what Facebook would look like if they did.

And it’s not just patrons who will be their natural state; the restaurant and the kitchen have no electricity or gas. Instead, they cook the vegan and non-vegan menu items over wood fires. If the ones doing the cooking are following the same dress code as the diners, what might they sear in the process?

They serve the food on earthenware crockery and use edible cutlery. Oh and best of all, there are wood-hewn tables, I’ll bet (I hope) with wood-hewn benches. Could be a possible a splinter issue here.

The owner describes the business as a “social experiment, and he has plenty of volunteers for his little venture into nakedness. There are already 32,000 people signed up to dine in the place when it opens. It only holds 42 diners at a time so there is going to be quite a long line of naked people waiting to take part in this social experiment.

I am wondering if any of the would-be customers are choosing this as the site of a possible first date. Be interesting if it is someone you met on the internet.

“Oh you’ll recognize me. I will be the one with the heart that says ‘Mother’ tattooed on my behind.”

Wonder if the mayor could get a Bunyadi for Andalusia, because unfortunately, I don’t think Larry’s nor David’s Catfish House is ready for “neked” customers. After a meal of barbecue or fried catfish, oh, the places sauce and grease might settle. Not to mention the danger of a hot hushpuppy dropped in the lap.

Bunyadi, says old Seb, offers customers “true liberation” unspoiled by modern technology or attitudes. Something about the world unspoiled in talking about a restaurant filled with nude people makes me laugh.

While I don’ think this idea is going to catch on, it might solve a problem in this country. I mean, if every person of every gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, political affiliation etc. is naked, choosing which bathroom to use becomes a non-issue.

Bunyadi’s creator concedes the attraction of the place might be a passing thing that may not, in his words, “be sustainable as a more permanent fixture.” But hey, you never know it might usher in a new era of clothes-free living.

Are y’all ready for some naked college football …


Nancy Blackmon is a former newspaper editor and a yoga teacher.